"I wonder what being a window would be like?"

"Very panefull"

 What goes haha, bonk?

someone laughing there head off!!  

heres another one:

a judge is walking in the local prison.  He visits each of the cells and asks them why they were there.  They all said they were innocent.  As he came to the last cell, the man said, I'm a thief and deserve to be here. the judge looks at him and says:  I am going to have to remove you, you seem to be the only one here who has committed a crime, and i don't want you setting a bad example to all these good men i have been talking to. :)

 A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks the horse "Why the long face?"

Get it?  Horse?  Long face?   Hey no one said they had to be GOOD jokes!  Blame my kids for that one.   

 Ok here is one: a pengiun walks into a bar and says, have you seen my brother?  The bartender replies, I don't know, what does he look like?

Ha ha!!  

Termite walks into a bar and says, "Where is the bar tender"?

A man walks into a bar and says, "OW!"

Definition of  a parasite: a person who lives in Paris.

there was a magician oc a cruse ship, and ha did a show evary night. the captain had a parrot who sat on the stage with him. he was always telling the croud what the magician did. squack!!! he put it up his sleeve. squack!!!! he put it under the table.so one day, the magician was tired of the parrot that he pulled a gun and shot at the bird. tthe bird ducked and the bullet hit a ;propane tank and the ship blew up. the only survivors were the magician and the parrot. the parrot said"al right, i give up. weres the ship?

from the blue collar comedy tour one for the road.ron white

One of life's greatest mysteries is how a two pound box of chocolate can make a woman gain five pounds.  

the reason that women over fifty don't have babies is that they would put them down and forget where they left them. 

I hear of this diet several times.  Thought it was worth repeating for those of you who are resolving to go on one for the new year.

BEST diet story ever!!

I was in Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina for my dog and was in line to check out. A woman behind me asked me if I had a dog...
(DUHHHH)

I was feeling a bit crabby so on impulse, I told her NO and that I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital the last time.

BUT, I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care unit with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms. Her eyes about bugged out of her head.

I went on and on with the bogus diet story and she was totally buying it. I told her that it was an easy, inexpensive diet and that the way it works is to load your pockets or purse with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry .

The package said the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy behind her.)

Horrified, she asked if something in the dog food had poisoned me and was that why I ended up in the hospital.

I said, Oh NO!, I'd just been sitting in the middle of the street licking my butt when a car hit me.

I thought the tall guy in back of the line was going to have to be carried out.

 That is a great joke! BTW, I notice you have 'winner' on your writing contest logo. Are congrats in order, and what did you win?

Everyone who reached the goal of 50,000 words for the NaNoWri challenge is considered a winner.  My first writing attempt.  So I'm basically still amazed. Thanks! :)