Off Topic: OSU vs. UM

So what is this post about you ask? Here is where you can rip on Michigan! And those Michigan-ers can attempt to dis OSU, which is pretty hard. I thought I would start out with a few Michigan jokes.

Here is the first one:

   A family of Michigan football supporters leaves home one fall morning to do some shopping. While in a sports shop, the son picks up an Ohio State jersey and says to his older sister, "Sis, I've decided to become a Buckeye fan and I'd like this for Christmas."
   His big sister is outraged at this, whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk to mother."
   With the Ohio State jersey in hand, the boy approaches his mother. "Mom, I've decided I'm going to become a Buckeye fan and I'd like this jersey for Christmas."
   His mother is outraged at this, whacks him on the head and says, "Go talk to your father!"
   With the Ohio State Jersey in hand, the boy approaches his father. "Dad, I've decided I'm going to become a Buckeye fan and I'd like this jersey for Christmas."
   His father is outraged at this, whacks him on the head and says, "No son of mine is ever going to be seen in an Ohio State jersey!"
   Later in the day, they're all back in the car and heading home. The father turns to his son and says, "Son, I hope you learned something today."
   The son says, "Yes, Dad, I sure did."
   His father responds, "Good, son, what is it?"
   The son replies, "Well, I've only been an Buckeye fan for a few hours and I already hate you Michigan jerks."

This one is a bit different, but still funny:

   Ohio State Football Coach Jim Tressel and Michigan Football Coach Lloyd Carr are in an airliner, flying to a national coaches meeting. The plane crashes. Both are killed.
   They arrive at the "Pearly Gates." Saint Peter says, "Come on in guys. I'll have one of our angels show you to your new places."
   Jim is dropped off first and the angel continues on to Lloyd's assigned location.
   Upon seeing it, Lloyd fumes, "What's with this? I get this little run-down leaky shack with broken windows and the paint peeling off the walls and Jim gets the huge mansion with golden gates and OSU flags waving everywhere! I demand a place just like his!"
   The angel, trying to calm Lloyd down says, "Oh, that's not Jim's place. It's God's."

And finally, my personal favorite this year:

   An Ohio State student, a Michigan student and a Penn State student were sharing a case of beer while vacationing in Iraq, where possession of alcohol is a severe offense.
   Suddenly, an insurgent Iraqi tribe rushed in and captured them. For the more serious crime of being caught consuming the booze, they were told they would be put to death.
   However, with the help of the Penn State student, a Law School candidate, they were able to persuade their captors to spare their lives and substitute some other form of punishment..
   By a stroke of luck, the day was an Iraqi national holiday. The extremely benevolent tribal chieftain declared they could be released after each one received 20 lashes of the whip.
   As they were being preparing for their fate, the leader announced, "It is also my first wife's birthday. She has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whippings."
   The Penn State student, who had consumed the smallest amount, was to be first. He thought for a moment. Then, he said, "Please tie a pillow to my back."
   It was done. Yet, the pillow lasted only 10 lashes before falling apart. When his punishment was complete, the Penn State student was carried away, bleeding and crying with pain.
   Having finished an entire fifth by himself, the Michigan student was next. After watching the first whipping scene, smiled and said, "All right! I want two pillows tied to my back."
   Sadly, the two pillows protected him from only 15 lashes before the pillow disintegrated and the whip slashed through to his skin. The Wolverine was sent out crying like a little girl.
   Last up was the Buckeye, for he had finished off the crate of booze. Before he could say anything, the Sheik turned to him and said, "You attend the greatest university in the world. It has the finest football team in America. Your school's alumni has some of the best and most loyal fans in the universe. For this, you may have two wishes!"
   "Thank you, your most royal sheikness," the OSU student replied. "In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me, not 20 -- but 100 lashes."
   With a startled yet admiring smile on his face, the Sheik responded, "Not only are you an honorable man, you are also very brave. If 100 lashes is your wish, then so be it. What is your second wish? What is that to be?"
   "Tie the Michigan student to my back."

O-H…