[Created to Move] - How can I be "da man" when you "da man?"
To be “da man you gots to beat da man.”
Gyms are nothing more than four walls pumped full of testosterone filled with guys yelling, screaming, and sweating, lots of sweat, buckets of sweat. The walls are covered floor to ceiling with mirrors, constructed from space age technology that amplifies sound 1000 times making even a gnat sneeze sound like a cannon exploding thus allowing everyone in the gym to hear what a weenie boy you are as you strain to push out the last rep.
People of all walks of life join gyms. I have found that it is easier to stay motivated when working out with a friend. Keep the following in mind when working out together.
Proper gym etiquette requires that whenever you workout with a friend you have to “motivate” that person through fear, intimidation, and humiliation. This usually consists of screaming things like,
“great job bro!”
“don’t quit on me now Sally!”
“one more…just one more!”
“you have got to be joking?!”
You job is to make sure your partner is truly working out. Signs like beet red face, veins popping out of foreheads, pale, pasty skin, slight vomiting and fainting are great indicators that he or she is truly getting their moneys worth.
Preceding such displays of physical exertion should always be followed by lots of touching in the form of slapping, high-fives, elbow taps, and fist knocks or “dap.” The "don’t touch me ever" unspoken rule, deeply engrained into the hearts and minds of men all over the world is all but diminished in the gym setting and such displays are socially acceptable. A chorus of “you da man!” should shortly follow all types of said touching.
When at all possible try to schedule your gym time during off peak hours to enable easy access to weights and equipment. Try times like Christmas Eve, 3:00 A.M. or leap year. This allows for the steep learning curve you will encounter as you tangle yourself in the cable crossover machine.
Gym attire should be loose, comfortable, and breathable. No more spandex, leg warmers, or string muscle tank tops please.
Finding and joining a local gym can be intimidating yet once you commit yourself and know what you are up against it becomes much easier. Find a friend to workout with you and you may just find that staying motivated is not so much of a chore. Who knows? You might be the guy next to me getting yelled at….”you da man!” Let me tell you something it feels good to be “da man” even if only for twice a week on Wednesdays and Fridays between the hours of 6:00 and 7:00 A.M.
Now go outside and play! Your body and mind will thank you for it.
Please consult your physician before beginning any physical and or nutritional program