Some of the participants of the Jamestown 400 Hunt that will be joining us in Jamestown, VA, in a few days are from up North and may have never been south of the Mason Dixon Line. Joe is an obliging host and wishes to provide a service. So, I offer this travel guide for new visitors and for those that need a reminder. (I would hope you would do the same if I was to visit New Jersey.)
- When you order tea, your server will ask if you want it "sweet" or "unsweet". The only reason you would order it "unsweet" would be because the restaurant or host doesn't sweeten it to your likin'. No one actually drinks "unsweet" tea in the South. Oh, and tea always has ice in it -- lots of ice.
- We don't care how you do it up North.
- Biscuits are made with flour, buttermilk and lard and are served with gravy. The best breakfast in Virginia will not be the continental breakfast of bagels and juice in the hotel lobby. It will be at the Cracker Barrel in Williamsburg. It's on Bypass Road. You'll find it.
- Yes, we eat grits. What's so funny?
- There is a marked difference between "redneck" and "hillbilly". You call us either and you'll be wearing a butt-kickin'.
- Yes, we know that "ain't" ain't a word.
- When your server asks if you want a "Coke," he or she is asking if you want a soda. An acceptable reply would be, "Yes, I'll have a Sprite" or "No, thank you. I'll take a sweet tea." No one south of Maryland knows what a "pop" is unless you're talking about your old man.
- The worst drivers in the country are from Ohio. If you're from Ohio, don't fight it. Just acknowledge your shortcoming and keep to the right.
- Did I mention that we don't care how you do it up North?
- A child born in the South of Northerner parents is still a Northerner. Just because a cat has kittens in the oven, doesn't mean that they're biscuits.
If I missed something, please drop a note in the comments.