Spring Has Sprung

It's May; the second month in the Major League Baseball season.  But something is seriously amiss here, folks.  Let's see, what could be the problem.

Mid-May and still dealing with frost warnings?  Check. 

Daily temps still lucky to make it to 50 degrees?  Check.

Mutant squirrels devastating every last tulip that pokes its head out of the ground?  Check.

Front lawn a lovely shade of crabgrass green?  Check.

What could possibly be wrong then?  Oh, you mean the Cubs seem to have figured out how to play baseball before it's too late?  Gasp!  It's the end of the world as we know it!  Actually, it's about freaking time!  I mean it's only been what, one HUNDRED years since they won the World Series? 

Now, now, don't panic.  After all, just because they seem to have it all together does not mean it won't fall apart down the road.  I mean, after all, there's a lovely opportunity for a June swoon or to die in July or even for the August bust (trust me, I've heard them all many, many, many, many times).  But for a change it has been great to not dread looking at the sports page in the morning, flipping quickly past the standings to read about oh, I don't know, golf or even the never-ending NBA season. 

But I've been thinking.  Maybe this cold weather has had something to do with it...

A guy from Chicago dies and goes to ...that place that isn't heaven.  (Oh, I'd say stop me if you've heard this one before, but I know you've heard it so too bad.  Just be quiet and enjoy the story.)

When he gets there, he meets Lucifer.  "Mwahahaha....welcome to Hell.  I hope you enjoy the heat."

"What's the big deal?  I'm from Chicago, I know heat."

"Oh, really?" queries Lucifer. " Well, let me make it just a bit warmer for you" and he proceeds to turn up the flames.

"Is that all you can do?  So what.  That's no worse than standing around on the platform, waiting for the L."

"Hmmph!  I'll show you!"  And he turns the heat up again.

"Blah, blah, blah, heat-schmeat.  Try working in a fifth floor office where the AC doesn't work, the windows don't open and the elevator is out of order!"

Lucifer is getting really ticked at this point, and opens the burners full blast.

"Oh, my, this is just like being stuck on the Edens in rush hour traffic and your engine is boiling over.  Meh."

"Okay, buddy" he thinks "I'll fix you!" and he flips the dial all the way down the other way.   The guy is stunned.  He's beyond belief.  He looks around and sees icicles forming and snow starting to fall.  Then he starts jumping up and down and screaming and yelling.  Lucifer begins to chuckle to himself.  All of a sudden, he realizes the guy isn't upset.  No, he's ecstatic...what is that he's yelling?  Lucifer listens closely to hear....

"The Cubs win the World Series! The Cubs win the World Series!  Hell has frozen over and we win the World Series!"

Hey, a girl has to have dreams, doesn't she?