It's May; the second month in the Major League Baseball
season. But something is seriously amiss
here, folks. Let's see, what could be
the problem.
Mid-May and still dealing with
frost warnings? Check.
Daily temps still lucky to make it to 50 degrees? Check.
Mutant squirrels devastating every last tulip that pokes its head out
of the ground? Check.
Front lawn a lovely shade of crabgrass green? Check.
What could possibly be wrong then?
Oh, you mean the Cubs seem to have figured out how to play baseball before it's too late? Gasp! It's the end of the world as we know it! Actually, it's about freaking time! I mean it's only been what, one HUNDRED years
since they won the World Series?
Now, now, don't panic. After
all, just because they seem to have it all together does not mean it won't fall
apart down the road. I mean, after all,
there's a lovely opportunity for a June swoon or to die in July or even for the
August bust (trust me, I've heard them all many, many, many, many times). But for a change it has been great to not
dread looking at the sports page in the morning, flipping quickly past the
standings to read about oh, I don't know, golf or even the never-ending NBA
season.
But I've been thinking. Maybe this cold
weather has had something to do with it...
A guy from Chicago dies and goes to ...that place that isn't heaven. (Oh, I'd say stop me if you've heard this one
before, but I know you've heard it so too bad.
Just be quiet and enjoy the story.)
When he gets there, he meets Lucifer.
"Mwahahaha....welcome to Hell. I
hope you enjoy the heat."
"What's the big deal? I'm from
Chicago, I know heat."
"Oh, really?" queries Lucifer. " Well, let me make it just a bit warmer
for you" and he proceeds to turn up the flames.
"Is that all you can do? So
what. That's no worse than standing
around on the platform, waiting for the L."
"Hmmph! I'll show you!" And he turns the heat up again.
"Blah, blah, blah, heat-schmeat.
Try working in a fifth floor office where the AC doesn't work, the
windows don't open and the elevator is out of order!"
Lucifer is getting really ticked at this point, and opens the burners
full blast.
"Oh, my, this is just like being stuck on the Edens in rush hour
traffic and your engine is boiling over.
Meh."
"Okay, buddy" he thinks "I'll fix you!" and he flips the dial all the
way down the other way. The guy is
stunned. He's beyond belief. He looks around and sees icicles forming and
snow starting to fall. Then he starts
jumping up and down and screaming and yelling.
Lucifer begins to chuckle to himself.
All of a sudden, he realizes the guy isn't upset. No, he's ecstatic...what is that he's
yelling? Lucifer listens closely to hear....
"The Cubs win the World Series! The Cubs win the World Series! Hell has frozen over and we win the World
Series!"
Hey, a girl has to have dreams, doesn't she?