1. My mother taught
me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me
RELIGION.
"You better pray that
will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME
TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten
up, I'm going to knock you
into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me
LOGIC.
" Because I said so,
that's why."
5. My mother taught me
MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out
of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to
the store with me."
6. My
mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make
sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me
IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give
you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of
OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat
your supper."
9. My mother
taught me about
CONTORTIONISM.
" Will you look at
that dirt on the back of your
neck!"
10. My mother taught me
about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there
until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me
about WEATHER.
"This room of
yours looks as if a tornado went through
it."
12. My mother taught me
about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told
you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the
CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you
into this world, and I can take you
out."
14. My mother taught me
about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop
acting like your father!"
15.
My mother taught me about
ENVY.
"There are millions of less
fortunate children in this world
who don't have wonderful parents like you
do."
16. My mother taught me
about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait
until we get home."
17. My
mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get
home!"
18. My mother
taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If
you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that
way."
19. My mother
taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater
on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"
20. My mother taught me
HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts
off your toes, don't come running to
me."
21. My mother taught me
HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you
don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me
GENETICS.
"You're just like your
father."
23. My mother taught
me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door
behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me
WISDOM.
"When you get to be my
age, you'll understand."
25.
And my favorite: - My mother taught me about
JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have
kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Now I know that made you smile at least once. Go call your mother and thank her!