New guide: how to successfully wait in line at a Polish deli
I really do wish the following tutorial was not necessary, but
recent events have showed me that our education system has clearly
failed us.
Now that there is an influx of people with
absolutely zero life skills arriving in my neighbourhood, I have, as
usual, found it thrust upon my shoulders to deliver a new guide on How
to Survive Life.
Long-time readers will recall this site's brief master class on business travel.
The only thing it lacked to be considered the peer of workplace training was an introductory "You should be able to" Goals section, and a instructions at the conclusion regarding how to get your Continuing Professional Education credits. The new and improved courses delivered by A Counting School address those concerns.
How to successfully wait in line at a Polish deli
Upon completion of this course, you should able to:
- know how to stand in line to be served in a Polish deli, and
- not look like a cursed fool.
Lesson one: arrival.
Upon arrival, gauge the line. Find who was the last person, and make your way over to stand near them. Once they are served, you will be next.
If you are waiting to be served in a deli which is empty except for one other person, do not stand right by the doors where you entered if the available staff are at the opposite end of the store.
Instead, walk towards the middle of the store, and make yourself visible to the store's staff.
If the person who was ahead of you has to direct store staff towards you, you have failed. Complete your purchase as best you can; return tomorrow for more delicious food and to try again.
Lesson two: if necessary learn Polish, then use it
Even if the store recently hired Ukrainian, Romanian or other European shopkeepers, speak in Polish. It's the Correct Way.
They may respond in fractured English rather than Polish.
Ignore this and continue speaking in Polish as best you can. Bring a friend if necessary.
If you are not blessed with Polish friends, then Google translate has Polish-English translation modules to quickly get you up to speed in an awkwardly translated manner; My Life is Polish is also a rich source of contrived information to use in a vain attempt to try and fit in.
Lesson three: make sure you're in the right store
If you see a collection of products similar to that in the picture below, you are not in a Polish deli. You are in a garden supply store. Do not purchase, let alone eat, these items. They will sicken or kill you.
Leave immediately or you will have once again failed, and there will be no repeat option.
Lesson four: being ready to pay
Although many stores now accepted debit cards, don't hold up the line on busy shopping days.
Bring cash in the local currency, and save your plastic for your trips to IKEA.
Lesson five: waiting to pay
If there is someone ahead of you waiting to pay and your own purchases have been selected, the operative mode is for you to "stand there and stay quiet."
Once they have been served, have paid for their purchase, and collected their purchase, you will then be the focus of attention.
Example: you are watching the person ahead of you pay for their purchase. Money has changed hands, but their goods are still on the counter.
When the cashier asks, "do you need a bag," this question is not for you.
If you answer, you will show that you believe you are always the centre of attention.
Saying, "no," for example, will indicate inattentiveness at best, and gross egomania at worst. Saying "yes" is equally wrong, with the same consequences.
To successfully complete your shopping adventure, shut up, pay attention while you wait for your turn, and then complete your purchase.
If you failed, you may return tomorrow to try again. There is no limit aside from cost as to the number of times you attempt to pass this course, and your diet will continue to be rich in delicious food.
This completes this A Counting School internet based learning module.
To receive CPE credit for this course, visit your local Polish deli.
Bring cash.