BJ Not BK

Speechless...really without words....almost unable to utter a syllable other than some fowl words and hand gestures not appropriate for this forum.

$350,000,000 for STD prevention in the stimulus package?

Really?  $350 million?  

And just how will that stimulate the economy?

I hope change is on the way.

If you do not use Facebook or have never used Facebook then this post may not make much sense to you but for those of you who do use it chime in with the observations you have observed.

I have been on Facebook now for about a year or less and let me say that this is a great way to network over the internet.  I have used the site to reconnect with long lost friends, people I went to high-school with (although only 3 of my former classmates have discovered Facebook) kept tabs on current friends, as well as connect with co-workers.  I have also used Facebook as a place to post photos and send out event invitations for our Bible Fellowship class events. 

All pretty cool stuff and you can't beat the price.....free.  In my short lived time on this social networking site I have noticed the following trends. 

1.  The wife is usually the first to join and usually the more frequent user.  I admit...I had never planned to join Facebook, I thought only teenage girls used Facebook and that any grown man over the age of 17 who used Facebook was a pansy.  I take that back and wish to restate my opinion...only grown men over 17 who text more than 25 times a day are pansies.....Facebook is manly.

2.  Older people begin using Facebook as a means to monitor their children's behavior.  It all starts out so innocent doesn't it?  You begin with the intentions of keeping up with Johnny, and you do but what became a chore quickly becomes a quest as people begin sending you invites to be their friend and as you find friends online that you didn't even think were alive any more or who could spell P.C. let alone navigate the world wide web.

3.  People are friend poachers.  I have noticed that there are some who's main desire in live is to have the most friends and this means tagging anyone and everyone who is on Facebook whether they know you or not.

4.  Applications - as of right now there are approximately 1 billion applications you can use on Facebook including photo sharing, charitable causes, calendars, maps, quizzes, and yes....flair...lot of flair.

5.  Profile pictures - most people can't take a decent profile picture.  Some try to get artsy with chopping their faces in half, twisting the picture at a funny angle, utilizing black and white while others post pictures of themselves they probably should not.  Maybe we can write a business plan and create a start up company to do nothing more than create great looking profile pictures for the millions of Facebook members?  Kind of like the glamor shots of the www?

Personally I see Facebook as another tool to use, a means to reconnect, and way to communicate but never with the intention of displacing face to face time.

I majored in English in college (I realize that my grammar is poor, I use allot instead of a lot, and I coma splice like a Samurai in a harey carey free for all - but please note that I was a creative writing major with a lit emphasis) I don't know much about science, I am not an economist by any stretch but I do have a keen sense for the obvious and have the uncanny ability to see something when it is right before my eyes.  

This week our company gathered together for our annual kick-off meeting and just by reading the "travel arrangment" memo I have pieced together that 2009 may not be a strong year for the economy.  Here are a few "clues" that lead me to believe this.

1.  All employees must carpool - no fewer than 12 to a car

2.  Meals will be provided for all employees traveling in from other cities.  Please see attached list for local area soup kitchens.

3.  Sleeping arrangements - Please see attached list for local area campgrounds and youth hostiles.  "Please note" for those camping...company policy clearly states "2 persons" to a tent....employees must furnish own tent.

It's not all bad though.  I am thankful to have a job in this down economy, thankful to have insurance, and thankful to have my Steeple Media Family.

I am off this morning to our region's annual, 2009, sales kick-off meeting.  The trek begins this morning via a 4 hour ride to the host city, in a suit, followed by bad hotel food, cramped seating in an overcrowded conference room with a bunch of mouth breathers. 

Sounds fun right?  Add in a couple of gallons of coffee, a blackberry blowing up with emails from customers and you got yourself a little slice of what I call heaven.

Unfortunately our executives tend to frown upon live blogging so I won't be able to provide you with the minute to minute updates I know you were expecting.  Maybe I can do a recap for you tonight/tomorrow?

Love will drive men to do crazy things, it will spark the imagination, inspire the uninspired, and allow for feats of unimaginable strength. 

As many of you know my wife and I are expecting...again and I truly feel for my wife.  For the past 26 weeks or so she has dealt with fatigue, extreme hunger (the little guy robs her body of every calorie), back pain, nausea, mood swings, and swelling.  As a man I can see God's extreme wisdom in creating women to have the children, no man would endure such pain, and I can't imagine what she is going through.

Well as of 12:00 midnight I won't have to imagine any more.  You see I am undergoing a highly experimental "sympathy" treatment to better understand the plight of my wife.  The procedure is composed of the following:

1. I will ingest a "medicinal" tapeworm to mimic the extreme hunger and calorie robbing effects of a baby.

2.  I will don a 50lb weighted vest, disproportionally weighted at the front and very low

3.  And two weeks before our due date I will have three kidney stones medically inserted to simulate the pain of childbirth.

Ladies...have I missed anything?

I love you babe and I got your back.

Plus...I figure if this is successful I may be able to double this gesture as a valentine gift?  It is a down economy right?

Coffee? - Check     Photos? - Check     Music? - Check     Books? - Check     Sarcasm? - Check     Friday? - You bet

This can only mean random acts of sarcasm - like helping little old ladies across the other side of the internet.  Oh yeah and it is time for the first installment of the Week in Weird for 2009. 

1.0 So how has your 2009 started off?  Slow or fast out of the gate?  Anyone make any resolutions?  Me?  I almost never make resolutions as I lean more toward goals.  So far I haven't put anything together in terms of goals for 2009.  We have our third baby, a boy, on the way and so I am trying to back off, simplify, take it easy for spell if you know what I mean.  This means my attempt to scale Everest without supplemental oxygen will have to take a back seat for now.

2.0 Speaking of baby #3...anyone out there have more than two children?  M and I noticed several things that have made this pregnancy different than the last two. 

- Lack of really stupid advice.  When L was on the way we could not get away from all the unbelievable and incredibly stupid advice.  "Oh, so this is your first huh?  Well, be sure to never use the oven as a dryer."  It seemed that anyone and everyone who had a kid, ever knew a kid, or ever was a kid had an endless supply of advice to give.  With baby number three it seems like we are either being avoided or everyone thinks we are now the experts.

- The Name challenge.  Baby #1 and #2 were easier to name....baby #3?  Not so much.  We just settled on a name a couple of weeks ago and we are due in April.  For some reason the names did not come as easy as they did with the first two.  Finally we decided that 7 was not an appropriate name and it wasn't' proper to just call him boy.  We hunkered down and decided.

-The onslaught of "looks" and really stupid advice on birth control.  In some countries when a family is having a child the entire town celebrates, life is wonderful, and a baby is a blessing from God.  In the U.S. people say things like..."How many you gonna have?  You guys know what causes that don't you?"  And my personal favorite...."Don't you guys own a TV?"  The truth is we love babies, we wanted a large family, we know what causes this, and we wouldn't trade it for anything on TV....not even a Seinfeld re-run.

3.0  Phriday is for photography - Speaking of goals for 2009.  M and I decided that fitness and nutrition would be an integral part of our family's life this year so we plunked down some cold hard cash for new running shoes.

We have also modified our diets based on the blockbuster book - The South Beach Ginger Bread House Diet.

The diet is very simple and easy to follow.  Eat all the gingerbread house you want but you must make them yourself.  Apparently it takes about 37 hours to make one of these fancy dinner treats and by the time you are done you have starved yourself to death.

Cars and the boys who love them.

4.0 NFL update - The Colts lost, Miami lost, The Giants lost, Tennessee lost...any team that I had even the slightest connection to or was pulling for lost.  Now what do I do?  How can I possibly go on?  I will try but it won't be easy.

5.0 What are you reading these days?  I began reading Knowing God by J.I. Packer which is an easy, enjoyable read.  The book reminds me of Mere Christianity by Lewis.  

6.0 What are you listening to?  If you have 30 minutes - download this sermon and have your heart lifted in an incredible way.  Quest: Joy!  Found: Christ!  [link]

7.0  Moment of Zen?  I don't think so....how about Psalm 23..."still H20s"

Ahhh, the Great Smoky Mtns.

8.0 Weekend plans anyone?  We have a friend coming in from out of town to visit and I think M will have a nice day at the spa on Saturday, no kids, no hubby, just a mini-break to recharge.

That's it, that's all, I am out.

Sundays are special, very special and are a mix of joy, gnashing of teeth, and a test of organizational skills (trying to get two toddlers out the door is a test of human will and sheer determination).  Sunday is the day our family celebrates the resurrection of Jesus.  We attend church, go to Sunday School, now called Bible Fellowship at our church, sing praises, pray, read and study the Bible.

Sundays are also the day of the week that our elite think tank convenes around the table to break bread, discuss theology, politics, gross anatomy, and I do mean gross, and try to solve the world's problems all before the coffee is done. 

This past Sunday was a special time as the intelligentsia pondered over many of today's pressing issues....here is but a glimpse into the discussion....please note that such glimpses are rare and are not often shared.

1.  Discussion 1.2 The creation of a books series, titled....."So you think you can talk?"  or  "9 of the worst books on starting a conversation"  The idea is to create a coffee table book series of high def photos with the sole aim of starting conversations.  Book #1?  Exotic animal evacuations.....need I say more?

2.  Discussion 2.0  This topic relates to the sciences as it involves gravity, physics, chemistry, and body hair.  My latest invention - The Hair pad.  What's it for?  Men and some women who clipper their hair.  What is it and how does it work?  The hair pad is a 24 x 24 square block of material.  One side has sticky tape that is to be applied to a flat surface.  The other side has a removable sheet that exposed a "sticky surface".  The hair pad's purpose is to catch all hair clipped making cleanup easy and fun.  There was the thought that once the hair has been clipped that the hair pad could double as a bath mat.  Yet another idea was put forth to turn the hair pad into some type of a hair "chia pet" or hair sculpture.  While I do like the idea of a miniature David, I am not yet sold on the ability of the hair pad to capture the emotion of the original...

Please note:  as of this morning we are taking submissions for additional books in the conversation starter series and looking for alternative uses for the hair pad.  Anyone who submits and entry will receive a tax donation of $1.00 made out on your behalf to the Human Fund.

When bjnotbk goes out on the town he doesn't put in 2ctw diamond studs.  He leaves the Rolex at home, and the platinum chain with the grenade and the diamonds in it?  Stays on the night table.

M is bling for bjnotbk.

 Who are my superheroes?  Who does bjnotbk admire, respect, lookup to?  When bjnotbk is not setting trends or breaking land speed records where does he go for inspiration?  Encouragement?  And why am I referring to myself in the third person?

If you had asked me this question...say....20 years ago I would have spouted off a list to include Michael Jordan, Walter Payton, as well as a slew of various sports, music, and pop culture icons.  But today that list looks much much different. 

Here is a list of the men who give me great encouragement, whom I respect deeply, and have grown to love.  

1.  Jesus Christ my Lord and my Savior - "while we were sinners Christ died for us" Romans 5:8

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I could spend the rest of my life telling you of the great things that Jesus has done for me, my family, and my friends but I will leave it at this....I love you Jesus, thank you for saving me from my sins, for dying in my place, the death I should have died, and thank you for your grace day by day and the many blessings you pour out onto me and my family.

2.  C.S. Lewis

 I have not read everything that C.S. has written but I have read enough to know that I love this man and can't wait to meet him in heaven.  C.S. had the incredible ability to take the most complex truths in the Bible and explain them in easy to understand, everyday language.  His sense of humor, analogies, and raging intellect are a wonderful source I turn to from time to time.  If you have never read anything by Lewis I would highly recommend Mere Christianity.

3.  Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Never heard of him?  Most probably have not.  Dietrich is my superhero of the faith as he was one of the few pastors of Germany who openly opposed Hitler and the Nazis.  Dietrich would not side with the Nazis and was forbidden to preach, speak, or write in Germany.  Instead of staying in the safety of America he went back to Germany and headed up an underground Seminary teaching other pastors until the seminary was closed.  Dietrich was finally arrested for taking part in an assassination attempt on Hitler and was eventually hanged.  Upon being led to his execution Dietrich spoke to one of his close friends in prison...."today my life is just beginning."  Wow!  If you have never read anything by Dietrich I would suggest The Cost of Discipleship or his biography Called by God.

4.    :o)}

Yes, the symbol formerly known as Granddad.  I could write about many others thinkers, writers, pastors who are my heroes and it would be true that they have indeed encouraged me, lifted me up, helped me to grow in my faith but the truth is I have never met most of these men.  Personally, they do not know me and I only know them through there books and sermons.  Yet out of all the people who have been involved in my life I can't think of many who have influenced me in such a wonderful and gracious way as :0)}.  For years :0)} has prayed for me, given me great books to grow my faith, encouraged me, given me opportunities to serve in Jesus' church, he has hiked with me, camped with me, we have broken bread together on many, many occasions, we have laughed together, discussed great topics together, and watched quite a few games together.  To this day :0)} continues to encourage me, give me great books, lend me great books, pray for me, listen to my nonsense, and help me when I need it.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Other honorable mentions that have not yet made it to superhero status include but are not limited to...

Joe Napalm - Webster, aka, Emmanuel Lewis, Mr. T, Mr. Belevedere, Chachi, The Fonz, John Piper, Gary Coleman, and the guy who held the world hot dog eating championship...I can't recall his name right now but boy can that cat eat some hot dogs!