BJ Not BK

 

President Clinton recently unveiled her 9 point plan to help you and me [link],

 

Here are the highlights:

 

 

1.  Leveling the playing field and reducing special breaks for big corporations.  The love of big oil and big Pharma is the root of all evil.  If we could only make them pay for all profitable business they have conducted, tax them for any profits, and re-distribute the wealth. 

2.  Eliminating incentives for American companies to ship jobs and profits overseas.  Globalization?  We don’t need to compete in no global economy.  We don’t need no stinking globalization!

3.  Reforming the governance of corporations and the financial sector.  Destroy the free market and make the capitalist pig CEOs renounce their bonus structures.  Who cares if these bonus structures are negotiated independently of each other or that no one is forcing high CEO bonus payouts.  The free market should not exist, the government should be the end all be all when it comes to pay and bonus programs.

4.  Restoring fiscal responsibility to government.  That means more entitlement programs, more pork spending, more special earmarks for pet project.  Remember, only the government has the intellect to spend your money wisely.

5.  Give every young person an opportunity to attend college, and ensure that education starts early in life and continues into adulthood.   That means that every child in America would be force fed a secular progressive, anti-God, anti-moral agenda from pre-school through college.

6.  More support for community colleges and alternative schools.  Don’t even think about asking for school vouchers.  Remember, the NEA is still king!

7.  Help working people earn enough to support their families and help them save for the future.   Tax the rich, punish profitable companies, create more government dependency, and re-distribute wealth under the neo-socialistic movement.

8.  Ensure that every American has quality, affordable health care.  Affordable but not adequate.  See Canada.

9.  Make investments necessary for creating new jobs.  See wealth re-distribution, tax hikes, and increasing the size of the Federal Government.

Where do I sign up?

     I have decieved myself, conned myself, convinced myself that I have control, that I do not have a problem.  Psychologist reffer to this as denial, I never did like psychologists anyway, I call it self preservation.  My morning routine changes little as I am a creature of habit.  I read the news sites, I read the blogs, I inhale my breakfast, I struggle to wake up, to get going, to get moving, oh, and I also drink my 2 cups of coffee.

2 cups seems harmless right?  Maybe.  You see I use coffee in much the same way as the Indian Shamans use peyote.  Caffenine not only wakes me up it hieighten my senses, opens my eyes, it takes me to the spirit world. 

I know for most of you pros out there that 2 cups is nothing and believe me it would be nothing if not for my specialized 45 ounce coffee mug I just can't seem to stray away from.  I have received many an angry look from co-workers who stare in disbelief as I drain yet another pot of coffee to fill my over sized mug. 

My Ipod is loaded with a special play list for this morning ritual and consists of:

    Survivor - The eye of the tiger

    Queen - We will rock you

    Dolly Parton - I will always love you

 
The combination of caffeine and music sends me into a trance-like state that I can sustain all day long as I blister through reports, spreadsheets, and thousands of emails.

Listen, did you hear that?  There is a dust mite two counties away moving through the grass. 
 

   
 

 

 

 

Just in case you missed it, yesterday marked the world wide release of the 40 disc DVD set of the complete Andy Griffith Show. [link]

Can anyone say Happy Father's Day?

**please note that this set is for Fathers 40 and older or anyone who enjoys great writing, great acting, and family friendly humor.

You are a warrior at heart.  You do your homework, scour the papers for information.  You steak out your targets days in advance.  Technology is your friend.  At home you utilize the three alarm clock theory.  One primary alarm clock, one backup that runs on batteries in case of an unforeseen power outage, and a wrist watch with a third alarm just in case.  

You go to bed late and rise early…much too early for most and your do more shopping, bargaining, and haggling before 5:00 A.M. than most people will do all decade.  

Your obscene obsession is just two steps above dumpster digging yet you live on the adrenaline of the hunt, the find, the next easy bake oven with a working light bulb.  You are shunned by family and friends who have long grown weary of your boasting and bragging, who no longer care that your shirt cost a quarter or that you purchased a 1975 chemistry textbook for a dime.

So hears to you oh renegade of rummage because you have shown me that a chipped star wars glass from McDonald’s is more than a chipped Star Wars glass from McDonald’s it is a chipped Star Wars glass from McDonald’s that cost you a cool .75 cents and for that I love you.

Another week gone, and another series of posts handed over in triplicate to the folks at iron mountain to be hauled via armored car to the hillside bunker for safe keeping. 

Here are some updates for those of you who are keeping score.

1.  Fluffy and Fleur were spotted leaving their homes today for the first time since last week when I issued the 1000 comment challenge.  Relatives report that both are doing fine other than looking a little "pasty" from lack of sunshine and nutrition (love you guys!).

2.  It is official - SCHAEFFER will be the spelling for my son who is en route.  We decided that using SCQUHAEFFURE, with a silent Q of course, was just way too complicated.

3.  Long weekend ahead of us right?  Who has plans?  The pool opens up in Mother Napalm's hood so you know where me and the family will be.  Anybody out there enjoy peeling sun burnt skin?  I plan on getting third degree burns this weekend.

4.  Speaking of son en route... we are at 36 weeks so go time could be anytime.  I use the royal "we" because I am a sensitive, caring man.  I fully realize that only she is pregnant.

5.  Gas at $17.00 per gallon.  I think I have been the victim of price gouging but not sure.  Does this sound reasonable to you?

6.  Did I mention that we have a long weekend coming up?

7.  If you like great photography be sure to visit Steve [link] and Joe Thorn's [link] Friday photos spot.

8.  Have a great weekend and don't forget to hug a Veteran if you see one.

Last night I noticed we where out of toilet paper and then I remembered.....

The Senate approved a new immigration bill [link].

These guys really are working for the people!

Thanks Teddy!  Thank McCain!

Can we now pass legislation that all new bills be put on 2-ply?

Futon - Pronouced : foooooooo - taun

Definition:  a usually cotton-filled mattress used on the floor or in a frame as a bed, couch, or chair, see also P.T. Barnum, "a sucker born every minute."

How many of you have been sucked into the maniacal marketing scheme of the futon?  It looks soft, it looks comfy, it looks like a well designed concept, an idea you can get behind or should I say on?...right? 

3, that's the number of engineering minutes put into the design and manufacturing a futon.

It is a known fact that 99% of all futons will end up as curb decor waiting on the trash man to pick them up after just one night of use and many chiropractor bills later.

Broken, disenchanted, disenfranchised, disengaged, (I think a visit by Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson is in order) futon consumers turn to products more reliable and farther along in the development process such as cold fusion, flying cars, and the floating skateboard from the Back to the Future movies.

Illegals are pouring through the borders like poop through a goose, Al Quaida is running amok, our schools are in jeopardy and your next president, Hillary Clinton cries out to a nation torn in two by divisive politics and class warfare. 

Hillary needs our help and by helping her maybe, just maybe America can once again unite under God as one nation.

Hillary Clinton needs our help choosing her 2008 Campaign song.  [Watch her plea here]

You can vote for her song here [link].

Better yet....why don't you offer your own suggestion here. 

Here is my nomination - Dude looks like a lady

Wow!  1011 comments and over 3400 page views for one post.  You did it. 

Good thing I moved my email servers to the new data center built inside the mountain with backup power, twin cooling towers, and 24X7 on-site technical support.

In my short time here on planet Earth there are a few things I have learned, "life lessons" if you will.  Here are just a few I would like to share with you.

1.  You don't pull on Superman's cape
2. You don't spit into the wind
3.  You don't pull the mask off the ole Lone Ranger
4.  And you don't ever issue a challenge to the Steeple community.

Seriously guys....please make sure you are taking bio breaks, food breaks, and walk from time to time to prevent clotting.

In keeping with the theme of my post today I am beginning a new campaign.

Reparations for Roman Slaves

I traced my ancestry back to 400 B.C. and discovered that one of my ancient relatives may or may have not been either a slave, a goat herder, or a brick maker.

All I need is 2.6 Million signatures.  Can you help me by leaving just one comment to this post?

I am white, have been my entire life, plan to be the rest of my life, yet I had no say so in the matter.  It is my parent's fault.  They are to blame.  Why did they do this to me anyway?  I am a victim, born to carry the burden of a prejudiced past. 

Is it natural to assume that all white people are racist?  If you deny this are you in denial?  In 2007 does racism still exist?  Have you been discriminated against as a minority or as a majority?  Can other people beside whites be racist?

I overheard a lady on the radio this week state the following:  "If America is truly sorry for slavery then we need to collect a "black tax" where everyone would pay and the money would be re-distributed to the black community."

Sounds reasonable right?

Your thoughts, opinions, comments, but please keep it civil as I know you will.

Over the past couple of weeks we have enjoyed our evening meals outside on the patio.  The mosquitoes are the official bird of our state, but so far they haven't been that bad and the weather has been very mild, warm with a cool breeze. 

On Tuesday we followed our normal evening, dinning routine.  As we sat outside I noticed how the wind was really pushing the trees around, "We should go get a kite after dinner." I proclaimed!  L and M both agreed.

Do you know how hard it is to find a kite these days?  Little did I know that my simple quest to purchase a kite would turn into an expedition of the search for the Holy Grail proportions. 

1st stop - Toys R Us. 

You would think with a name as in your face as "Toys R Us" that this would truly be the Mecca of all toy stores.  Wrong.  While Toys R Us does have a large selection and variety of toys they seem to be more and more focused on dvd sales and video games than toys.  If I had wanted to purchase vampire slayers 4 I was in good shape but good luck trying to find a football.  Do kids still play football?  And what about the kite?  We did manage to find three kites none of which were worth having.  Disgusted, dejected, and downtrodden we left.

2nd stop - Target

I have to say my great expectations had withered down to nothing.  If the Mecca of all toy stores didn't have a kite what where the chances that Target would?

Running through Target is akin to running the gauntlet.  We were able to dodge the Starbuck's on the way in but our mission was soon diverted by the shiny display of George Foremans - II the Next Grilleration.  So we got one.  I pulled out the blindfolds but before we could put them on we were hit with the bikes in sporting goods.  The wife and I have talked about buying a bike for L so we got one.  L is now the proud owner of a shiny, red, radio flyer.  What is cool is that it has a handle that I can push and steer with, all without breaking my back.

We also picked up:
Soap
Windex wipes
Furniture wipes
Bleach tablets for the toilet

What about the kite?  We did finally make our way to the toy section where at the end of a row, pushed behind several other objects where 4 or so kites marked down to $4.16.

$115.00 later we walked proudly out of Target, kite, bike, Foreman, and cleaning products in hand.

Unfortunately, since Tuesday we have not had ample wind to fly the darn thing.

 

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."

      --Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

 

Boy was this guy a little off.  Little did Charles know, nor could he see into the future all of the great inventions and innovations mankind would put forth into the world.  Why, in my own lifetime I have seen the rise of the personal computer, the Ipod, digital camera, video camera, and Tang.

 

Yet all of these pale in comparison to the world’s second greatest invention of all time.  This device is the result of numerous think tank sessions, engineering hours, and brainstorming sessions.  Backed by a multimedia marketing machine this invention has done more to change the course of mankind and packed more of a punch in the way of changing the course of history than sliced bread itself.  I am talking about the George Foreman Grill.

 

This miniscule master of the meat is more than a clamshell design of plastic and non-stick metal it is time saver, meat cooker, a meal delivery system wrapped into one.

 

My wife and I purchased our Foreman Grill early into our marriage.  Little did we know how our lives would be forever changed.  

 

Frozen meat, seafood, chicken use to take hours to thaw and ½ an hour or so to cook.  Not so with the Foreman.  Like a left hook to the jaw of Joe Frazier the Foreman puts a hurting on frozen food.  Instead of hours I saw our prep and cook times reduced to minutes.  My days became consumed with the timetable George provided with my new grill.  

 

Frozen to fully cooked salmon 7 minutes

Tilapia – 6 minutes

Hamburger – 8 minutes

Chicken – 9 minutes

Sushi – you don’t cook sushi

 

I watched in amazement as the fat and gooey drippings oozed into the drip pan.  Indeed life is good when you have a Foreman.

 

Yet the power of the Foreman reset my expectations, especially when eating out.  I found myself growing more impatient as I waited 9 minutes for Salmon.  

 

“Come on!  Everyone knows that frozen to fully cooked only takes 7 minutes with the Foreman!”

 

Counseling has helped some as I now realize that most commercial restaurants are not equipped with the Foreman.

If the Foreman is the 2^nd greatest invention of all time then what could possibly be the first you ask?

 

The George Foreman GRP99 Next Generation Grill with dishwasher safe removable plates.

 

Gotta run my blue-cheese stuffed fillet is done and all in less than 10 minutes.

My wife is currently carrying our 2nd child and we are now counting down the days to his arrival.  In all the excitement, the putting together of the nursery, the shopping for baby items, there are several things I have come to realize:

1.  If men were responsible for having the babies there would be no mankind.

2.  My wife, most mothers, are very selfless.  They give over their own bodies, their freedom, their time to another who totally consumes every moment of their day for nine months, totally
consumes all of their energy, all of their strength, and through it all they keep on smiling, keep
on taking care of the house, the other children, the husband.  God Bless you!

3.  My wife, most mothers, are very brave.  Brave because they live with us day in and day out and keep coming back for more.  Brave because they face the unknown of body changes, and childbirth, and brave because some of them choose to do it again.

4.  My wife, most mothers, are very strong.  Strong because they live with us day in and day out and keep coming back for more.  Strong because some of them choose to stay at home
and dedicate their time, resources, talents to developing their children, investing in their
families as opposed to grinding out 40 hours a week via corporate America. 

5.  My wife is Godly.  My wife loves the Lord and she is intent on taking care of the blessings God has given us.

Thank you M for not only being a wonderful wife and a great friend but for also being an incredible mother.  I love you.

Thank you Mom for choosing to have me in a time when having a baby or not is looked upon something as trivial.   I love you.

Thank you L (mother-outlaw) for always treating me like a son.  Your love, support, and prayers mean more than you may ever know.  I love you.

Thank you to all moms of this community and to all mothers who are and who are to be today.

Happy Mother's day!