"Exploratory Committee"

Do you ever wonder who came up with this phrase? Whether genius or madman this scam, sham phrase that has been invented, injected, and inserted into the lexicon is here to stay so why not start using it?

The power behind the “E.C.” allows those who provoke it the ability to appear that they are doing something without actually 1. doing something and 2. taking any risk associated with doing something.

For example: "Today, with much seriousness and thought, respect, and awe, I announce my intentions of forming an exploratory committee to run for the office of crossing guard at B.M. High School."

Who announces to the world their intentions of doing something? Imagine holding a press conference to announce to the world you intend to wax your back. Now you may never actually do it but at least you have announced your intent of doing it. Now add the “E.C.” to the mix. You have just dipped your toe into the deep pool of ambiguity. Wait for a minute, a day, or even a week for the responses to come then proceed as follows:

“After much thought and work with my “E.C.” I have decided that waxing my back would not be appropriate at this time.”

Who belongs to these committees anyway? Do Universities have degree programs for these positions? Now you and I both know that there is no committee and there was no exploring yet a possible hairy situation was avoided with family, friends, and co-workers by evoking the constitutional right of the “E.C.”

This technique can be applied in all aspects of life:

At home: “Today I plan on forming an “E.C” to determine the feasibility of playing golf this Saturday.”

The wife will appreciate your attempt to understand the complexities, impact, and nuances of a decision such as taking 8 hours and $175.00 away from the family for one day of cursing, chasing, and hitting the little white ball.

At work: “Today I plan on forming an “E.C.” to determine the feasibility of taking the next two weeks off with pay.”

How impressed will your boss be when you speak with authority and confidence?

Wait for the reaction and at the appropriate time either proceed as announced or retract your intent based on the findings of the committee.

Have trouble making decisions? Fearful of what others may think? The “E.C” just might be for you. I’ll let you know once the reports from the committee come back.

 

Two a days take a toll on the mind and the body.  You are never sure how far you can go until you are pushed beyond your limits.  Two a days taxes your mind as you know what lays ahead of you when you wake in the morning and once the first session has passed you still have a second round to go through later in the day.  You body screams in agony, tense in anticipation of the moment.  The hairs stand up on your neck and in a sort of a Spidey senses, sixth sense ability you hear it before it occurs….the phone rings and it is one week away from midterm elections.

 

“Hi my name is Bill Thornton and I am a volunteer for ……who is running for senate/congress/governor, mayor, dog catcher.  Do you have just 82 minutes to allow me to explain …..position on the upcoming amendment on why teenage children should be allowed to carry prescription nasal spray?”

 

They come in the morning, they come in the evening, those hated phone calls from both parties asking if you are decided or undecided, who are you voting for, and will you please vote for their candidate.  Who has time to volunteer for such abuse?  My theory is that these calls are farmed out to India and are made in call center sweat shops by 5 year olds making 1 penny a year.

 

I have neither the time nor the luxury nor the inclination to take these calls.  Even if I did I would not share with you who I am voting for, or what my position is on allowing teenage children to carry prescription nasal spray.

 

Decided or undecided?  You bet. 

There are many things to be afraid of these days.  Here are a few of the things that strike fear in my heart.

1.  Madonna.  Her fake British accent, the whole crucifixion on stage display, all of it gives me the creeps.  Oh, did you also hear that she just bought...I mean adopted an African child?  I heard that she smuggled him out of the country in the gap between her two front teeth.

2.  Those who believe in nothing.  With all of the talk about the religious radicals I am even more afraid of those who claim to believe in nothing.  Please reference Lenin, Stalin, Mao, Hitler, just to name a few.

3.  My wife.  The love of my life, my best friend, the mother of our daughter and soon to be second child.   My natural ability to bring out the inner beast of this loveable, kind, gentle, patient, lady is no joke.

4.  My current lack of care for all things political.  Do we really have representation anymore?  Aren't we a two party system with choice being reduced to a lesser of the two evils?  Not sure if I will even vote this time and that scares me.

5.  Apeirophobia- Fear of infinity, Atomosophobia- Fear of atomic explosions, Autodysomophobia- Fear of one that has a vile odor.   Do I really need to explain any of these?  Well maybe the fear of infinity.  Self diagnose yourself today.

6. Viral marketing.  Have you heard of this one?  Steve McCoy brought this article to my attention.  Pretty cool stuff. 

 

What scares you the most?  What keeps you up at night?

Ok, so I am not a big fan of wicker furniture. There are only two states that you will ever see wicker in, 1. New, pristine, in a showroom of a furniture store or 2. Uterly destroyed, sitting on the curb in shredded taters waiting pickup by the trashman.

What is the allure of wicker anyway? I mean who says to themselves, "That dried grass would make a great lazy boy!" Wicker can barely hold itself together let alone a 230lb armchair quarterback. And wicker is not comfortable. You would think that the wicker myth would be dispelled by word of mouth after so many years? Ever notice how wicker is marketed? Usually you see wicker in a tropical setting, like if you buy this bookshelf then you will feel like you are at the beach? How many bookshelves made out of grass have you ever seen while at the beach?

Wicker by any other name is still wicker so don't be fooled. There is no such thing as stronger, longer lasting "free range wicker" and ratan is still wicker! If you google the word wicker you will see the following results: Results 1 - 10 of about 13,500,000 for wicker [definition]. (0.11 seconds)

Wickerpedia defines those addicted to wicker as follows: See hoodwinked, wool over the eyes, sucker.

Wicker is not furniture it is landscaping gone horribly wrong.

How can I tell?  Is it the 43 aisles of decorations, wrapping paper, and three story Santa Clause lawn statues for sale at Wal-Mart (that were put on display in June)?  Or could it be that when you walk into a Cracker Barrel they already have Christmas trees up, Christmas music playing, and display those big annoying sweaters with reindeer on them?  

 

These are all good signs but you would be wrong if you said yes to either of these.  The true sign that the Christmas season is upon us is the increase in catalogs being dumped at my house each week.  

 

Catalogs pepper my mailbox, my front door, my lawn with all the ferocity of an Israeli pilot dropping leaflets onto Hamas.  Pottery Barn, LL Bean, Nike, Sharper Image, Red Envelope, Sears, JC Penney, Kohl’s, Bombay, Victoria’s Secret (why is she so secretive anyway?), just to name a few are clogging my box, blocking my driveway, and quickly filling our local landfill.  Why do these guys continue to mail me?

 

I think I ordered a coaster from Pottery Barn 12 years ago but every year about this time Pottery Barn is faithful to me sending 6-12 catalogs a week, Pottery Barn Kids, Kitchen, Bath, Accessories, Bedroom, Office, if you have a room they have a catalog.  By the way….have you seen these catalogs?  How much does it cost to print and mail these things out anyway?  I once read that 12.6 acres of rainforest are destroyed to make one Pottery Barn catalog.

 

I thought we were in the information age?  What happened to the paperless society we were all promised?  The onslaught has begun. 

 

Yes, it’s beginning to look allot like Christmas.  Everywhere I go there is a new catalog waiting for me.

 

 

I am constantly amazed and entertained by those who can do impressions, who can mimic the voices and personality quirks of the famous and the infamous.  I am not one of those talented people. 

 

However, I have discovered in my quest for truth that each of us have the ability to mimic certain celebrities.  Here is a list of those I can impersonate, badly.

 

Ross Perot

Mike Tyson

Marlon Brando as the Godfather

Doctor Evil

Elvis, Thankyou, thankyouverymuch

Dana Carvey as George Bush Senior

Ace Ventura, really!

Bill Clinton, I did not have improper relations….

Jerry Seinfeld, who are these people?

 

Who can you impersonate?

I want you to use your best Doctor Evil voice and repeat after me.....3 Billion Dollars....ha ha ha ha!

This is the daily cost of the Iraq War right?  No.
The amount we spend yearly feeding the poor, housing the homeless?  No, no.
The budget used to fight the war on poverty, the war on obesity, the war on illiteracy, the war on war?  No, no, no, no!

3 Billion dollars...the amount spent each year in the U.S. on Halloween. 

The Halloween scene seems to grow more and more elaborate each year as many families now decorate their homes and yards with tombstones, cobwebs, scarecrows, and coffins.  When did a hanging body in a tree become so popular as a means to decorate or who decided that a guillotine covered with blood and headless corpses scattered across the lawn was family appropriate?

 

What really gets to me is the way Halloween has morphed into an adult thing.  Have you noticed how the adults dress?  Especially the ladies?  For some reason Halloween brings out the naughty in even the nicest of people….what gives?

 

Are you one of “those” people who decorate for Halloween?

Do you have a neighbor who does?

Or do you dress up?  What is the wildest costume you have ever worn?  (Family friendly when describing please)

One small birdbath,
one St. Francis statue,
one little Dutch boy,
one pair of kissing frogs and before you know it, little by little you purchase an item here for the back patio, a bird feeder, a ceramic rabbit, a boy holding a lantern for the front yard, a pair of lions for the front porch and soon you are locked into the dark cult of lawn art.

Instead of mowing your 3.2 acres you find yourself weed eating around 32,435 objects strategically placed on top of stumps, around mailboxes, hanging from tree limbs. What once was a lush green yard has now turned into a concrete graveyard of leprechauns, fairies, and a small herd of life size deer. Windmills line the property laying out the boundaries and soon you find that no matter what your financial situation is you can't stop buying, can't stop adding to the collection. Your thoughts begin to plan your next trip to the whatever they call the statue store or to how you might be able to annex your neighbor's land as your own to add to your miniature maniacal empire.

Yet the tell-tell sign of your addiction comes clearly from the purchase of one object...the gazing ball. There it is, big, shiny, round, sitting in the yard, on the sidewalk, by the garden perched on a faux iron stand for all to see, for all to gaze into. What is it? What does it do? What mysteries are revealed upon gazing into it? Nada nada nada.

If you are suffering from what I have termed, "miniature concrete statue syndrome' there is help. Family members may need to hold an intervention as the beginning of the process is painful.

Gotta run for now. I hear Wal-Mart is having a sale on garden Gnomes.

We live in a tolerance at all costs society.  A culture, a people where there are no losers, where everyone is special, where everyone is held in high regard, everyone but the elderly and the unborn, but I digress.

This ideology is the natural offspring of relativism, no absolutes, no truth, no right and no wrong. 

Have you heard of the 50 point rule?  I picked up a Sports Illustrated yesterday, no, not the swimsuit edition, and came across an article where a coach was suspended for scoring too many points!

How can we win a war against extreme idealism when we fold at the very thought of hurting someone's feelings when we outscore them or out run them, are stronger or smarter than they are?

When I was a kid in primary school each year we had an Olympic week.  A whole week devoted to games, competition, you know the whole Carpe diem stuff.  We sweated and fought for first place and when we won it was something to wear that medal or ribbon around.  When we lost, as was often the case we set our sights on competing next year and our dreams chased after the medals that awaited us.

What do you chase after when there are no goals, when everyone wins a medal or a trophy or a ribbon?

How can we win the war on terror when we won't allow ourselves to win at ping-pong?

By this time on Tuesday experts say that the United States will surpass the 300 million mark in population.  300 million Americans...not so much.  While pundits on both the left and right estimate the illegal immigration population into the millions no one is really for certain just how many of our illegal friends make up the new demographics.  While there are many unknowns we do know the following:

1.  A new "stealth" tax is being levied on all legal citizens who have to pay the bill for education, health, and welfare for those in our country illegally.

2.  I see more and more multi-lingual signs, instructions, billboards, books, than ever before.  Do we settle on a language and protect our culture or are we just one big melting pot and therefore it doesn't matter?

3.  200 million of the 300 million that make up the population all live in the same house, drive the same beat up van, and work at the same location.

Has illegal immigration gotten out of hand?  What is the best way to defend our borders and process people legally into this country?  What is the best way to handle those who are illegal or do you care?

What say you? 

 

Within the past 6 years I have been diagnosed, my symptoms have been assessed, and my prognosis looks bleak. I have been informed that I have "the tone". What is the tone? Where did it come from? and how do I know I have it? To be quite honest I have no idea what the tone is or from whence the tone came, but I am certain I have it. My wife told me so.

It appears that I have what the medical community would consider adult onset tone as I don't remember ever having been diagnosed earlier in life. I can never recall anyone, prior to my marriage ever commenting on my condition. I am told that the tone comes and goes. The tone can rear it's ugly head at any time without notice....so I am told. The times that I have been made aware of the tone seem to center around high stress situations at work. Example:

Ring ring...ring ring

"Hello this is not BK"
"Oh hi sweetie! Good to hear from you."
"No, no, I am a bit busy right now."
"No, I am not sure what would be a good match to a toile washcloth in the bathroom."
"What did I have for lunch last Tuesday? Honey I am not sure. Why didn't I tell you?
"Well I....I didn't think that..."
"Tone? What tone? I don't have a tone...do I?"

Did you hear the tone? Could you see it? See how quickly the tone takes over? Thank goodness I have someone who cares enough to point out to me the tone. What would happen to a tone unchecked I wonder?

I have noticed that once the tone has been properly diagnosed painful reactions almost instantly occur. The air grows tense, my upper lip begins to sweat, and I get "the look". Now if the tone is a mystery the look is the antithesis. Everyone knows the look when they get it and there is no need for translation. You have the sharp, crisp turn of the head in your direction, the stare down, the tightly pressed lips, and the straight brows.

"Sorry babe, I didn't realize I had the tone!"

At this point it is best to maintain eye contact while slowly backing out of the room. I admit it, I am tone deaf and I did not realize my condition but there is help. Now I am working on recognizing my own tone prior to diagnosis beginning with this blog. Is my tone ok?

Guys, have you experienced this?
Ladies, am I wrong?

Is Kim Jong Ill the face of Evil (see picture here)? Underground Nuclear tests, news that more are ready and on the way. Death camps, gulags, evil dictator. Are we to be afraid? Is this a man to fear? I say no.

Mark Twain once said, "clothes do not make the man but no one ever paid attention to a naked guy."

Ring ring
ring ring
"Hello?"
"Uh, yes, is this Kim, the evil one?"
"Yes, who is this? How you get my number?"
"This is 1982."
Silence
"We want our sunglasses back."

Have you seen this guys wardrobe? You are suppose to be the all powerful, ultra-rich, evil dictator yet you can't afford a nice suit? Where do you get those gray jumpsuits anyway? Can I go into a Gap in North Korea and purchase one or do they ship directly from www.evildictatoroutfits.com? And those glasses! I have an inside source that says the main reason the administration hasn't scheduled talks with Kim Jong is due to the fact that Bush can't quit laughing at the guys overly large saucer shaped glasses. Aren't these the same specs sported by grandmothers across the globe?

Remember when bad guys were really bad? What happened to the guy with the scar that ran from his chin to his left foot? We need our bad guys to look evil, to look fearsome. Kim Jong may upset some of those in the metrosexual community with outdated fashion, bad skin, and poor frame choice but for the manly men across the globe we are not shaken.

Don't get me wrong. North Korea is a serious threat. War is a serious threat. Kim Jong Il's fashion sense is a serious threat to the street credibility of evil dictators around the world.

I say it's high time we take him out bad hair, bad jumpsuit, and bad glasses all together.

RFID = Radio Frequency Identification

This is not a post on technology as much as it is a question on theology and or eschatology (end times prophecy).  If you haven't heard of RFID by now you just have.  RFID is the next step beyond the barcode for retailers, warehouse managers, and logistics companies. 

What is it?  Well, in simple language, RFID is a chip that is used to store information and track product as it is shipped across the state, country, and the globe.  RFID picks up radio frequency as it passed by scanners or equipment emitting a radio signal.  This allows product to be moved from place to place without having to be manually scanned unlike most current barcode systems.  Also, unlike the barcode system, RFID can actually store information about the history of the item...where it originated from, where it has been, all the checkpoints it has passed through, etc.

Now I mentioned earlier that the chip has been used primarily for product but manufactures are now looking at broadening the chip's use and are already being implanted in dogs and cats as a means to 1. track the pet in case of a loss and 2. store information about where the pet lives, how to contact it's owners, and other information such as allergies, medication taken etc. 

Sounds reasonable so far right?  Who wouldn't want to keep track of mayonnaise or know that if Fluffy runs off you have a greater chance of finding him?  Here is where it gets a little hairy.

The scope of use has now been expanded to humans, particularly in the hand of humans with the idea that RFID could hold medical records, financial information, as well as be used for a means to pay for items without a credit card, check card, or cash.  Imagine...never having to carry a wallet...sound good?  Now read this:

Revelation 13: 11,16-18

"11 Then I saw another beast.......16He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, 17so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name.

 18This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666."

Coincidence?  Just my imagination?  Nobody in their right mind would ever agree to this?

Wanna bet?

This article came out yesterday on Drudge: 

Young shoppers want to pay with chip in skin

Is this the beginning of the end?

 

 

"Hi, my name is BJ not BK and I am a recovering Mr. T addict."

Scroll to the bottom for a list of hilarious Mr. T facts.

Who didn't love Mr. T?  Big chains, feather earrings, mohawk, attitude, lots and lots of attitude.  Mr. T was definitely bling before bling was bling if you know what I mean (what did I just say?) I need to take a break from my gangsta rap for a while.

Anyway, Mr. T was huge in the 80's.  As I use to say, the world is covered by 2/3 water and the other 1/3 is covered by Mr. T. 

Mr. T was on the A Team, quite arguably the best TV show ever produced.  Rocky, quite possibly the greatest movie ever produced, and Mr. T. the cartoon, quite possibly the best cartoon ever produced.  I pity the fool who disagrees with me on this.

 

Mr. T has been on a 20 year hiatus but has recently seen a resurgence in popularity.  Please don’t call this a comeback as Mr. T was just resting from all the fools he pitied in the 80’s.

 

You can see more of Mr. T here

 

New TV show I Pity the Fool

 

Mr. T Verse Everything

 

Mr. T on your GPS

 

I leave you now with some hilarious little known facts about Mr. T please feel free to leave your own little know fact via the comment section*

 

• Mr. T's edition of the VH1 show 'Where Are They Now' was the shortest in the show's history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black screen with the words "Right Behind You" written on it.
• 23. That's the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has taken you to read this sentence.
• Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That's why he can only kick through doors.
• The last time Mr. T went to McDonald's, Ronald McDonald greeted him. What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever recorded in human history.
• Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
• When Dr. Bruce Banner gets angry, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets angry, he turns into Mr. T.
• Mr. T's hair style is actually a complex array of antennas that can triangulate the exact location of any fool in the universe. His gold chains can then transmit pity to those coordinates.
• Originally the A-Team was named T-Team and consisted of Mr. T and six of his genetically engineered clones driving around in a van made of pure gold. Producers changed the format after every criminal known to man was killed in the pilot episode.
• Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
• If you were ever foolish enough to get into a fight with Mr. T, there would only be two hits: Mr. T hitting you, and you hitting the surface of the Sun.
• The vegetarian group PETA one time tried to establish the catchphrase "We PETA the fool who eats animals." Upon learning of this blatant theft of his catchphrase, Mr. T founded McDonalds.
• Mr. T invented Asian people, because he thinks they're cute and don't take up much room.
• Mr. T once got into a fight with a ninja. He killed the ninja, but only after the ninja had cut off two of his fingers. Those fingers grew up to be Gary Coleman and Webster.
• Mr. T can count past infinity.
• When Mr. T has nightmares, people around him start dying for no reason.
• Mr. T defines love as the reluctance to murder. If you're still alive, it's because Mr. T loves you.
• Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That's 100 fools pitied a second.
• Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
• Mr. T does not play the guitar, but he will bash your face in with one.
• If at the exact same moment, the same person was pitied by Mr. T and roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris, the universe would implode.
• World champion eater Takeru Kobayashi once ate 53.5 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Allotted the same time, Mr. T ate Kobayashi.
• The Soviet Union once pitied Mr. T. That's why there is no Soviet Union.

*This is not original bjnotbk material.  I give credit to Joe who found these on the web a couple of years ago.

Warning:  this post contains harsh language against hybrid vehicles.  This is not an assault on any reader who currently owns a hybrid.  These are merely the musings of one man's recent observations and personal experiences.


Hybrids on the surface sound like a great idea.  They run on a combination of gas and electricity enabling owners to increase MPG, reduce greenhouse gases, all in a vehicle with the styling and posh of a dishrag.  When you drive a hybrid you make one of the following statements:

1.  I don't care how much these things costs!  Yes, I paid 4 times as much for this car as I would have for a regular vehicle.

2.  I don't care about style, class, or sophistication.  Have you seen most of today's hybrids?  Need I say more?

3.  I am better than you because I care about the environment...ha!

4.  I purchase solely on emotional appeal without considering either the financial impact or the environmental impact of this vehicle.

I too was somewhat excited when the hybrid craze took off.  Who wouldn't like to get 55 or 60 MPG?  I drive allot so why wouldn't I want to save money on gas while protecting the environment? 

Well, have you ever done the math on the purchase of a hybrid?  The premium you pay for these cars means that it would take on average 15 years for someone to realize any savings from gas.  Also, have you heard that many of the batteries in hybrids last only 8-9 years and cost upwards of 8 thousand dollars to replace?  Not to mention that the batteries are themselves an environmental hazard and are not easily disposed of.

Today I took the wife's car in for maintenance.  The lot gave me a loaner, one of Lexus' Rx 400h hybrids.  I was stoked because on the outside these are very sharp vehicles and I wanted to see if all the hype this vehicle has received was worth it.  Now keep in mind that this vehicle sells approximately 10 thousand dollars above it's gas only counterpart. 

My impressions?  Hated it.  First of all the vehicle made me and the other two guys who rode with my sick to our stomachs.  The vehicle had plenty of power but continually surged back and forth as it switched between gas and electric.  This was the first time in my life where I was driving and became motion sick.  Secondly the increase in gas performance was not very impressive.  5MPG over the gas counterpart.  I don't know about you but 5 MPG or roughly 75 miles extra per tank is not worth 10 thousand dollars.

I say phooey on the current hybrids.  Buy a car that gets 25-35 mpg (see Honda), and take the extra 10 thousand and invest in a mutual fund paying out at 10 plus percent.

Today's hybrids are not worth the extra money or the hype.

Do you have a different experience or take?  I would love to know.