@Home

Today was an exciting day (said in a sarcastic tone). It takes so little to entertain me these days. I don't get out and see the world much any more. I remember when I was out in the world -- the corporate world. I worked alongside a lot of different characters: the chatty office gossiper, the cheating womanizer, young single go-getter, technically challenged grandmother, the homosexual with a perfectionism complex, and many others. (So as to not appear self-righteous, I could've been filed as the girl with OCD). But lately here at home the drama presents itself in a variety of other shapes and forms.   

Another mom brought her two children over to our house today for a play date. It was probably more of a play date for me than it was for L because I had a grown-up to talk with and L usually avoids children her age except when they get in her way of acheiving her agenda. Her agenda today consisted of playing in the bathroom sink full of water for hours on end. Unfortunately, we can't all fit inside the tiny half-bath downstairs -- we tried. So we all left L to her water play while we went to the family room where the toys reside. When L finally decided to come join us in the living room, she began complaining about her diaper. Her "complaining" usually takes on the form of high-pitched whining that causes the neighbor's dog to run and hide. Lately I've been making a conscious effort to ignore her whines in hopes that she'll use real words in a tolerable tone to communicate with me.

Meanwhile, I had been caring for S who had become a little sleepy and fussy. And since he hardly ever fusses, I try to be diligent at tending to him when he does fuss. For a few minutes I started feeling really good about my mothering skills -- patiently ignoring my toddler's whiney demands while giving my fussy, attention-starved infant a little TLC. Then suddenly "good feelings gone!" I turned my attention to a dark brown smear on the living room carpet. I'm not sure how it happened, but I will relay the facts as I remember them: (1) L's clothing was completely gone, (2) she was wearing a poopie diaper that had gone askew, (3) her butt-cheeks (excuse my French) were exposed and covered in...well...you-know-what, and (4) a poopie-colored spot was smeared onto the carpet. I handed carpet cleaner to the other mom and I whisked L upstairs to get her cleaned up.

Poopie happens! We moms have to stick together because no one can face poopie day in and day out without getting a little depressed. It sure makes a huge difference when you have other moms to laugh with.

Tomorrow we go to a state sponsored special education school for L to be evaluated. Through this evaluation they will determine if she qualifies for their programs, and therefore, continue getting occupational and speech therapy for free. If she qualifies, it means she has a state recognized disability. I seriously doubt she will qualify because she doesn't have a severe enough disability. Her disability only affects her in minor ways...however, it affects her Mommy in serious ways, but that doesn't count! And because the State moves so slowly it will take three weeks to learn the results. So far we have been so blessed by the therapists God has placed us with. They are so kind, helpful, loving, knowledgeable, and patient. I pray we continue to find people like them along the way.

L has been making some tremendous progress along the way. Last week we went to an inflatable play center. L has never wanted to get near the inflatables, except one small toddler-sized one. But last week she asked to get inside a very large one with the other kids. She jumped and laughed like crazy. It was nice to see her doing something that she had feared doing in the past. Her OT (occupational therapist) has observed her being more relaxed and willing to try new and different things in therapy. All of this is a result of sensory integration activities in the therapy room and at home. It's an amazing thing to see such changes!

Maybe potty training will come next!

Okay, so maybe that's a far stretch from the cliche "When life hands you lemons, make lemonade." I have to admit, I've been a black-or-white, wrong-or-right, this-or-that type of person. But God has been handing me a lot of grey areas lately. Lately things have not been so easily answered with yes or no types of answers. 

Why in such an infinite world or possibilities, with such an amazing God with eternal qualities, do we still insist on avoiding grey areas? God created us for a life full of vastness, uniqueness, and greyness. It's in the grey that we seek out God in a more intimate way. If everything were so simply answered with a "yes" or a "no", with checklists and rules, then we would have no need to have a relationship with Him. Relationships aren't built on conversations around the words yes or no. Thinking about past communications with friends, I could only imagine how boring and lifeless our conversations would be if they centered around simple yes/no questions and answers. It would be like taking one of those crazy personality tests that states, "please check one box that best describes you." No room for discussion and certainly no room to get to know me better.

I think that's how many of us approach God. We see Him as a Yes-or-No type of being. We look to His Word for approvals or disapprovals, what rules to follow, which path to take. But lately I've been getting to know my personal Lord as we have conversations about the grey areas in my life that He has graciously handed to me. It's like He's pulling His chair up close to mine and saying, "Let's talk."