What is your gut-reaction to this statement?
“My son loves reading and writing, especially screenplays that he likes to act out for the entire family. He doesn’t enjoy sports like baseball, football or basketball.”
Was your initial reaction, “Hey, what’s wrong with your son? He doesn’t seem much like a boy to me?” If that was your gut-reaction, then this article is for you.
There is a huge difference between parenthood and what I am going to call controlhood. And even though on the surface these two words seem discernibly different, how does the difference play out in your home with you as the parent?
Have there been times when you have wished your daughter was more girly (or less girly)? Have there been times when you have wished your son was less adventurous (or more adventurous)? If you answered yes (or even hesitated) then controlhood could be creeping into your home.
The difference between parenthood and controlhood is this: parenthood is when you continually strive to see your child’s God-given abilities and purposes fulfilled in the unique and special way designed by God; and, controlhood is when you strive to see your own purposes fulfilled through your child.
Controlhood can manifest itself in many innocent-looking ways. For example, I have seen children “shooshed” just because the parent was tired of hearing the child elaborate on an imaginative story for the third time this week. Yes, there is a time when storytelling may not be appropriate, but many times we parents are guilty of hushing up our young children because we are too tired to act interested, or we are too irritated by the “annoying” playful voices our child conjures.
Or maybe we wished our daughter was less interested in hairstyles and handbags and more interested in soccer or volleyball because that is more interesting to us. Or perhaps we wished our son was less rambunctious and acted more subdued simply because it makes our job as parent easier. But please know this: God created every child in a special way to fulfill a special purpose that may not be obvious to us parents for many years. So our job is to not act disappointed when little Sally acts a little too feminine or when little Tommy acts a little too masculine. This is how God created them, male and female, each with their own purpose.
We have the special privilege of parenting our children (not controlling them) and helping them shape into the people God has created them to be.